“I promise if there’s only one TimTam left, I’ll let you have it.”

“I promise to love you even when you make me so mad, I hate you.”

I always encourage my couples to include personal vows in their ceremony. If you would like to compose your own but don’t know where to start, I suggest writing a letter to your beloved saying everything that you love about them, then pick a few sentences out of that letter and play with the words until you feel that they say just want you want when exchanging personal vows.

You can include personal vows either before or after the legal vows and these can be separate from or part of the ring ceremony – if you are going to have rings (this is completely optional). However you want to do it, it’s your choice but your celebrant will guide you so that the ceremony flows well.

Just remember that this is your day, your wedding, and your declaration to your love. So why not include personal vows?

https://www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au/

The post Including personal vows in your wedding ceremony appeared first on Life Celebrations.

But – unless Dan and Cora had lodged a Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) at least a month beforehand, this would not have been a legal marriage.

For all those people who think it would be a lovely idea to spring a surprise wedding on their beloved, I’m afraid the bad news is that it simply isn’t possible in our country.

In Australia the law is quite clear. No one must feel as though they are being pressured into agreeing to a marriage. Even if you’re madly in love and are planning to marry and have already lodged your NOIM within the prescribed time frame, you can’t spring a surprise wedding on your beloved. If you suddenly decide that it would be a fabulous idea to surprise him or her at what they thought was going to be a birthday party or family picnic or any other occasion, by producing a marriage celebrant and telling them that you’re getting married here and now, please think again! The ‘surprisee’ may genuinely not want to get married at that precise moment for any number of reasons but might feel too embarrassed to say no.

However, if you are planning on surprising your guests by announcing that the engagement party/baby naming/birthday celebration they are attending is actually your wedding then that’s fine because it will be a decision you have made together. But use caution if family members aren’t present because they may very well be hurt and disappointed to have not been part of such a momentous occasion in your lives.

It’s great to be spontaneous, but if you’re thinking about having a surprise wedding, please discuss the ramifications with your celebrant first.

© Jane Gillespie

https://www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

The post Think carefully about having a surprise wedding appeared first on Life Celebrations.

However, it won’t be time for a full celebration until the Marriage Act is changed to allow marriage between same sex couples. Even if this is passed by Parliament next month, there will still be certain procedures that must be followed before celebrants can officiate marriage for gay couples.

Don’t open yourselves up to disappointment by thinking you can lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage in the hope that you can be legally married to your same sex partner this year. We have to wait until new documentation has been approved for our use. By all means register your interest with your preferred celebrant, but you cannot start the legal process until we are given the go ahead by the Federal Attorney-General.

Sydney Marriage Celebrant

The post MARRIAGE EQUALITY appeared first on Life Celebrations.

               

So you’ve set the date to marry the love of your life – congratulations! Here are some tips for what you need to think about both before and after the wedding. 

Who pays for the wedding?

Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the bridal gown, the photographer/videographer, the bridesmaid dresses and the reception. It was left to the groom to pay the fees for the church, the honeymoon, buttonholes and his bride’s flowers. These days, it is quite common for the couple to pay for just about everything themselves although both sets of parents will often chip in to help.

Ceremony seating

Traditionally the bride’s family would sit on the left of the aisle and the groom’s on the right. However, with civil ceremonies a modern trend is for guests to choose where to sit for themselves and this enhances the idea of two families joining together.

Walking down the aisle

It is traditional for the bride to walk down the aisle with her father, but these days she can enter with both parents or if neither is available, a close family friend, brother or uncle is often asked. However, sometimes couples choose to walk in together and with a civil ceremony you can decide exactly how you wish to do this.

Reception seating

As in the past, today it’s still usual for the bride and groom to sit in the centre of a long top table, the bride’s parents on each side of them and the groom’s parents next to them. The most important guests – which should include the oldest family members – are seated closest to the top table.

Bar etiquette

It is usual to provide drinks for your guests while they wait for you to finish having your photos taken, and throughout the meal served at the reception. A free bar for afterwards is a nice touch, however this isn’t necessary these days if your budget is limited.

Gift list

Your guests will want to buy you a wedding gift and they will want to know what you’d like. These days most couples have been living together for some time before marriage and they will normally already have most domestic appliances, linen, vases, ornaments, etc. If you do have a definite list of things you would like, then it’s probably a good idea to set up a gift register with a local department store.

You might like the guests to contribute some money to your honeymoon or you could prefer to simply request their presence, rather than presents, and it is acceptable today to say that in your wedding invitations.

Thank You Cards 

When you receive gifts from your guests you may feel it’s enough to say thank you face-to-face at the reception. However, good manners mean that you should write a thank you card for every gift. It’s a good idea to try to send these as soon as you receive any gifts that arrives before the wedding. You don’t have to write a novel, just a simple, “Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. We will really enjoy using it/the …”.  Make a list or spreadsheet with all your guests’ names, a column to write down what their gift is as soon as it arrives, and make a note when you’ve posted your thank you card.

If you simply don’t have time to do this or guests bring presents to the reception, you will have to write your cards after the event. You should plan on doing this as soon as possible after you return from your honeymoon, but definitely within three months of your big day.

Have a supply of cards enough to cover the number of individual presents you think you’ll receive.

If you’re only having a small wedding or want something really special for certain people (your parents/grandparents/best friend since childhood/favourite aunt or uncle, etc.), check out these beautiful hand-made cards.

Genevive Coulthurst designs and makes these. You can choose from a selection of designs or she will custom design something just for you:

https://5stitches.com/collections/thank-you

GUESTS

It is still considered NOT okay for a woman to wear white or ivory to a wedding. You don’t want to steal the bride’s thunder because her gown will most likely be one of those colours.

Black is iffy, but if the bride isn’t wearing an actual bridal gown, it’s probably okay to wear something in a light breezy fabric, or add a pop of colour with your shoes, a fascinator, a belt and/or necklace. As long as you don’t show up as if you’re going to a funeral, you’re totally fine. And if you happen to be in love with the groom and it feels like a funeral for you, then you shouldn’t be there at all!

Photos

Please do not take photos during the ceremony on your smartphone unless specifically invited to do so by the bride and groom. You have been invited to share this happy occasion with them and they would prefer to have your full attention as they exchange their vows than have you trying to capture the moment digitally. Be in the actual moment with them.

If they are happy for you to take pics of the wedding please do NOT post anything on social media before checking with them if this is okay. They may be happy for you to do so after they have put their own photos up there, but always check with them what they want. After all, it is their wedding.

If they are happy for you to take pictures during their ceremony, whatever you do, don’t get in the way of a professional photographer. The couple will be paying good money for professional shots and it’s only polite to let him or her get on with their job.

RSVPs

Always respond to a wedding invitation the same way that you receive it. If you get a snail mail invite then you must reply the same way, i.e. use a card with your acceptance or regrets, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on the envelope and drop it in a post box.

If you get an email invitation, reply that way; if you get an SMS, send your answer back that way; if you get a message on Messenger, reply to that.

The absolute golden rule here is – you simply must answer! And by the say, simply telling someone you’re coming when you run into them somewhere does not constitute an RSVP because they are likely to forget this with all the other things they have to think about.

www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

The post Some Tips on Modern Wedding Etiquette for the Bride & Groom and their Guests appeared first on Life Celebrations.

“I don’t know what to say”

“I’m not good with words”

“We’re not soppy people, so saying personal vows would feel silly” 

While some couples are delighted at the idea of writing their own personal vows, many others are terrified at the idea.

However, once you realise that the ceremony is actually the most important part of your wedding day – because without it you won’t actually be married – it then makes sense to think about what you mean to each other and what promises that you would like to make. If you really struggle with this, something that can be very helpful is to sit down quietly, away from each other, and write a love letter to your partner.

No one else will ever read this so just let it flow, writing everything that you love about them and what your hopes are for your future lives together. Don’t censor yourself; this isn’t going to be what you actually say at the ceremony. Once you feel you’ve expressed all the reasons why you love your partner and what your hopes and dreams are for your marriage, put the letter aside for a day or so. Then go back to it and use a highlighter to mark all the things that really stand out for you.

Some examples might be that he or she is your best friend; that you love their generosity; their closeness to their family; their compassion; what a great cook they are; how well they manage money; that you admire what a wonderful mother or father they are if you already have children; how strong they are when things get tough; how they can always make you laugh; that they listen to you when you need to talk… whatever feels true for you will become the basis for writing your vows.

Your vows can be short and simple, long and flowery, serious or funny – whatever feels comfortable for you. But do remember you’re not writing a novel!

You can share with each other what you come up with or let them be a wonderful surprise when you hear them for the first time at the ceremony.

www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

The post WRITING YOUR OWN VOWS appeared first on Life Celebrations.

So you’re planning your wedding – congratulations!  There are many websites that offer good planning tools for your wedding and these can help you decide what you need to do for your special day, depending on how simple or extravagant you want it to be.

However I’ve noticed that very few of these tools place any real importance on choosing your celebrant and I find this really puzzling. Although your wedding day should be a wonderful party, it is just one day. But it is also the day when you will make a life-long commitment to the love of your life.

So although it’s important to decide on and book your reception venue, as soon as that date is locked in it’s wise to start looking for a celebrant.

It is really important to find the right person; someone that you have a rapport with, someone you feels ‘gets’ you and your fiancé and who will present you with a ceremony that reflects who you both are, as well as your hopes and dreams for the future.

Experienced celebrants are often booked a year or more in advance, so locking in your preferred person should be a priority.

While organising the reception, your wedding gown, the cake, flowers, cars, rings, choosing your hairstyle, make-up artist, photographer/videographer, etc. are all important, if you don’t end up with a ceremony that you will remember fondly forever as a true representation of you and your future husband, you will have just had a party.

Remember: without your celebrant, you won’t actually be a married.

So ask around among your friends, relatives and work colleagues if they can recommend someone. Do your own research, look for reviews on celebrants’ own websites and on social media and meet a few to make sure you find the right person for you; someone who will help you create a ceremony that will be the foundation on which you will build your marriage.

Don’t base your decision simply on price. Overall, your celebrant will probably cost less than most other items on your list and most of us will spend many hours making sure that you have the ceremony of your dreams.

One last thing: if you’ve contacted several celebrants by email, text or phone and even met a one or two, please let them know whether you want to go ahead with them or not. We know we won’t win every booking, but it is very frustrating to have had conversations with couples, either electronically or in person, and then have them simply disappear without any explanation.

It only takes a few minutes to send a quick text or email to say, ‘thank you for your response/meeting us, but we have chosen another celebrant’. You don’t have to say why, but a simple thanks for our time is most appreciated!

And I thank you for reading this post!

https://www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

The post WHERE DOES YOUR CELEBRANT COME ON YOUR WEDDING PLANNING LIST? appeared first on Life Celebrations.

“Civil marriage celebrants have overseen the majority of marriages since 1999 and the proportion of marriage ceremonies overseen by a civil celebrant increased again to 74.1 per cent of all marriages in 2014.” (Most recent statistics from the Australian Bureau of Statistics).

A civil marriage ceremony is far more than exchanging vows and rings and being declared husband and wife.  There are some words that must be used to fulfil legal requirements but it is the extras that a dedicated marriage celebrant will help you with that will make your ceremony uniquely yours.

As well as working with couples to help them create their perfect ceremony, an Australian marriage celebrant must accept a Notice of Intended Marriage from them at least one calendar month before the date of the wedding, sight their original birth certificates or passports and, if either has been married before, divorce or death certificates of a previous spouse.     

Every couple that comes to meet me is given a comprehensive information kit to keep. If you decide you want me to marry you I then get to know something about you and your relationship so I can start work on your ceremony.

Depending on which of my packages you choose I consult with you on the content, then offer you an onsite rehearsal, officiate at the marriage, register your marriage online when I get home and send all relevant paperwork to the Registry of Births Death & Marriage (BDM) so that you can apply for your official marriage certificate.  Although you are given a presentation certificate to take with you after the ceremony, if the bride wants to change her name the certificate from BDM is the only document that is accepted by the Passports Office, the Roads and Traffic authority in your State, and at banks, etc.

Sometimes people genuinely think that a celebrant just turns up for 30 minutes on their wedding day, whereas the truth is that most of us will spend anything from six to 30 hours on every ceremony that we help to create. Of course couples need to be able to factor everything into the total they’re prepared to spend on their wedding, however I find it surprising that quite a few people don’t realise that an experienced civil marriage celebrant will spend as many hours as it takes to present them with the ceremony of their dreams. It’s important to realise that your wedding is a wonderful party, but without a celebrant there is no marriage.  

CALL ME NOW FOR YOUR OBLIGATION-FREE FIRST CONSULTATION

www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

The post Do you know what a civil marriage celebrant does? appeared first on Life Celebrations.

Sheryl has a fabulous blog as well on her Conscious Transitions website where she shares her wisdom on many topics, relationships included.

Here’s an article by her that appeared on Mamamia yesterday:

10 Things Nobody Tells You About Getting Married by SHERYL PAUL (reprinted with her permission) 

If we offered couples an instruction manual to help contextualise and normalise the challenges that arise in any intimate partnership, I can only imagine how different our divorce rate would be.

When we don’t understand what’s normal, it’s easy to assume there’s something wrong with us, our partner, or our relationship. From there, it’s often a downward spiral to breakup or divorce.

Here are 10 things nobody tells you about marriage, a mini-manual that can help you understand what’s normal (and even necessary!) for a marriage to thrive.

1. Marriage doesn’t complete you.

Contrary to Jerry Maguire and the implicit messages embedded in statements like “finding the One” or “your other half,” a healthy marriage consists of two whole people who partner to create a third body of their marriage. In other words, one plus one doesn’t make one or even two; it makes three. You are responsible for your own aliveness and wholeness, and your partner is responsible for his or hers.

2. You won’t always feel attracted to your partner.

Even if we know this intellectually, when lack of attraction hits in marriage most people panic. We’re a profoundly image-based culture and we’re taught through mainstream media that if you’re not wildly attracted to your partner, you’re with the wrong person. That simply is not reality.

We see our partners in many different lights — from elegantly dressed for a special event to retching over the toilet bowl. Even over the course of a day or an hour, attraction can fluctuate, and that’s completely normal. Knowing this can alleviate much needless anxiety so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of “What’s wrong?” 

3. You won’t always like your partner.

His jokes will drive you crazy. Her laugh sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. That’s simply the way it is when you spend that much time with one human being. We allow for this when it comes to friendships and family, but with partners, we absorb a fantasy that we’re supposed to like everything about each other all the time.

4. Being in love is a stage of relationship that doesn’t last forever.

The romantic model says: “You meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after.” We skip over an essential stage: falling out of love. As one of my clients shared: “I had to fall out of love before I learned what real love is all about.” This is something rarely talked about in the mainstream.

And if you didn’t have an infatuation stage, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed! Some people have it and others don’t, and there is absolutely no correlation between having an infatuation stage and the success of a marriage. 

5. Love can grow with time and effort.

We also grow up believing that you’re either in love or out of love; there’s nothing in between. And we believe that love is quantifiable and a fixed amount, meaning that you can measure it — “Do you love your partner enough?” — and that what you have in the beginning is all you’ll ever have.

The truth is that real love grows over time. Love begins as an empty garden that requires attention and care, and when it’s thoroughly watered and the weeds are pulled, the flowers will blossom over a lifetime.

6. You don’t have to feel love to give it.

In our culture that says that love is only a feeling, it’s easy to feel confused when the loving feelings fade. Then we balk against advice that says, “Fake it til you make it.” But sometimes, you have to act as-if in a long-term relationship, meaning that even if you don’t feel like giving your partner a good morning kiss, you do it anyway.

7. Sex is a sacred act of giving and receiving.

It’s sad and often detrimental that we’re offered zero guidance about one of the most complicated aspects of being human: our sexuality. We learn from pop culture, peers, and now, increasingly, from pornography, that sex is something you use to gain approval, validation or security. Healthy sex is none of those things. Loving sex is an expression of love, an act of connection where you practice the arts and skill of giving and receiving.

8. Marriage is a crucible designed to help you grow.

Marriage isn’t “happily ever after.” It isn’t the end of the road, the resting spot for eternal happiness. Marriage is one of the most challenging and rewarding paths we can commit to as human beings.

As such, it will activate every element of unshed grief, unattended fear, unfinished transition and it will bring to light the fear and false beliefs you’ve absorbed from your first blueprint and the culture about love. Knowing that the going is supposed to get rough can give you fortitude when you want to walk out the door.

9. Your first blueprint for intimate partnership informs how you approach your marriage.

If you witnessed a healthy marriage growing up, you’re much more likely to naturally implement the principles and actions required for marriage success.

On the other hand, if you witnessed a marriage characterised by criticism, nagging, distance, arguing, or abuse, you’ll have to fight your template at every turn.

It’s not easy work, but just because it’s work doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person. If you’re with a loving partner, the work is a sign that you’re pushing up against your dysfunctional or limited blueprint and it’s an invitation to create a new legacy of healthy partnership.

10. Life with young children is stressful.

That’s it: it’s stressful, overwhelming, rich, and beautiful — and it will put a strain on even the best of marriages. I often think it’s a small miracle that any couple survives parenting intact, as there’s such a demand on time and filling needs other than your own that the marriage is sure to suffer.

Knowing this can help you weather these challenging years, while remembering how important it is to find time to nurture both yourself and the marriage, no matter how small.

The post Pre-marriage education appeared first on Life Celebrations.

A civil wedding ceremony is far more than basic words and procedures, although some of these are essential to fulfill legal requirements. It is the extras that a dedicated marriage celebrant will help you with to make your ceremony uniquely representative of you and your relationship.

Many brides and grooms tell me at the end of their first obligation-free meeting, that they had no idea how much is involved in creating a personal and meaningful wedding ceremony. Most know what they want but they’re not sure how to achieve it.

Couples who come to see me already know what I charge because my prices are on my website but I do still get occasional phone calls from people who have found my name somewhere and just want to know “how much”.

I recognise that most couples are on a budget and that they need to be able to factor everything into the total they’re prepared to spend. I do find it surprising though that quite a few people don’t realise that an experienced professional civil marriage celebrant will spend as many hours as it takes to present them with the ceremony of their dreams. Sometimes people genuinely think that a celebrant just turns up for 30 minutes on their wedding day, whereas the truth is that most of us will spend anything from six to 30 hours on every ceremony that we help to create.

You might pay $500-$2000 for your wedding cars that will only be with you on the actual day, many hundreds of dollars for your wedding cake that will be eaten or your flowers that will die. However your ceremony should be something you remember for the rest of your lives as you pledge yourselves to support each other through good times and hard times and to work together to make your marriage last for the rest of your lives. Your celebrant is the person who will help you design the words that reflect everything you want to share with your families and friends, so it’s worth investing in someone you trust to do this for you.

Even if you genuinely only want something really simple, a good celebrant will make sure that your ceremony is heartfelt, meaningful and personal to you.

It’s important that you have a rapport with your celebrant so it’s a good idea to meet several face-to-face before you make your final decision. Ask any questions you like about their experience, e.g. how long have they been a celebrant, do they stay up to date with professional training, do they belong to a professional association, have they got insurance, what resources do they offer, how much input can you have yourself in the creation of the words used in your ceremony? Talk to each other afterwards to see if you both felt comfortable with this particular celebrant and believe that they would easily guide you through all the legal paperwork as well as working with you to come up with the kind of ceremony you have envisaged.

Never feel pressured into making a choice straight away, but once you have made up your mind, book your celebrant as soon as you’ve confirmed your reception booking. Experienced celebrants are often booked a year or more in advance so it’s important not to leave this important decision to the last minute.

Sydney Marriage Celebrant –  JANE GILLESPIE

T: 61 2 9908 1702 | M: +61 412 643 751

The post How much do you know about civil marriage ceremonies? appeared first on Life Celebrations.

THE PROCESSIONAL

Traditionally the Groom and any attendants wait at the focal point of the ceremony and the Bride enters with her Father/Mother/other significant person or people. However, the Bride may walk in on her own or Bride and Groom can walk in together. Another option is for everyone to simply gather together, including the couple, and the Celebrant will announce that the ceremony is about to start.

THE WELCOME

This puts your guests and ease and is an opportunity for the Celebrant to welcome them and make any special acknowledgements.

INTRODUCTION & BACKGROUND

The Celebrant can talk about the couple relating how, when and where you met (not everyone will know everything about both of you), what you love about each other and what marriage means to you. This is a part of your ceremony where your unique relationship can be acknowledged, if you wish to include it.

GIVING AWAY OR FAMILY BLESSING

The Bride and Groom can decide if they want to include the traditional giving away. Some brides ask both parents to give them away; some couples ask both sets of parents to welcome their new son/daughter into their families. You can even include your guests and have them asked to publicly bless of the marriage.

THE MONITUM (essential)

The Monitum is comprised of wording that explains what marriage is according to the law and must be spoken by the Celebrant; these words cannot be changed.

THE ASKING, LEGAL (essential) & PERSONAL VOWS, READINGS, RING EXCHANGE, EXTRA RITUALS 

These can be in any order, although the Celebrant will guide you on the best ‘flow’ for your ceremony. The legal vows are prescribed and you cannot change the wording but you may say whatever you wish to each other in your personal vows. Readings can be poetry or words of a song that have special meaning to you both, or someone might compose something original.

There are a number of rituals that can make the ceremony special. You might like to include children of the bride and groom, family members or friends. Some rituals that can be included are Blending of Sands, Rose Ceremony, Lighting of Candles, Hand Fasting, or Tree or Flower planting ceremonies

DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

The Celebrant declares you to be husband and wife!

SIGNING THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS (essential) & ANNOUNCEMENTS 

The bride, groom, their two witnesses and the Celebrant sign the legal documents.

When announcing that the documents are to be signed, the Celebrant can advise the guests regarding a bridal toast, the function venue, photographs or any other information that is relevant.

PRESENTATION OF BRIDE & GROOM

The Celebrant will close the ceremony, present the marriage certificate and finally introduce the bride and groom as Mr and Mrs Married Couple.

THE RECESSIONAL

The bride and groom followed by the bridal party then their parents and other family members walk down the aisle to the back of the crowd where they will welcome congratulations from everyone before group photos start.

Always remember that it is YOUR ceremony but be mindful that your Celebrant has a lot of experience – so be open to listening to suggestions he or she might offer.

(c) Jane Gillespie, Civil Marriage Celebrant

www.sydneycelebrantjanegillespie.com.au

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