“I don’t know what to say”

“I’m not good with words”

“We’re not soppy people, so saying personal vows would feel silly” 

While some couples are delighted at the idea of writing their own personal vows, many others are terrified at the idea.

However, once you realise that the ceremony is actually the most important part of your wedding day – because without it you won’t actually be married – it then makes sense to think about what you mean to each other and what promises that you would like to make. If you really struggle with this, something that can be very helpful is to sit down quietly, away from each other, and write a love letter to your partner.

No one else will ever read this so just let it flow, writing everything that you love about them and what your hopes are for your future lives together. Don’t censor yourself; this isn’t going to be what you actually say at the ceremony. Once you feel you’ve expressed all the reasons why you love your partner and what your hopes and dreams are for your marriage, put the letter aside for a day or so. Then go back to it and use a highlighter to mark all the things that really stand out for you.

Some examples might be that he or she is your best friend; that you love their generosity; their closeness to their family; their compassion; what a great cook they are; how well they manage money; that you admire what a wonderful mother or father they are if you already have children; how strong they are when things get tough; how they can always make you laugh; that they listen to you when you need to talk… whatever feels true for you will become the basis for writing your vows.

Your vows can be short and simple, long and flowery, serious or funny – whatever feels comfortable for you. But do remember you’re not writing a novel!

You can share with each other what you come up with or let them be a wonderful surprise when you hear them for the first time at the ceremony.


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